Dork much?

Ok so it is about 10:38pm on September 23,  2010. I just about put that I am bored out of my mind, but honestly I'm not. I'm listening to music and surfing the net (I know, doesn't sound fun, but it kinda is lol). Anyway, today in class I actually felt smart for once. =) I can't tell you how much that makes me happy, I  feel kind of..... giddy lol..... Its funny because I know I'm not a stupid person, but college, for some reason, hasn't made me feel smart.... Well.... until today. I wasn't really doing anything special. All I did was talk about the thing I was assigned to read. At first, before my group went in front of the class, I was super nervous, I thought that whatever was going to come out of my mouth wasn't going to make any sense, but it did. When it was my turn to talk, I glanced over at my prof and he was smiling and nodding. Lol does this post make me seem like a complete DORK? I'm sure it does, but I am completely ok with it. On another note, I had a job interview last monday. I think it went well, but then again I usually think that and things don't turn out the way I want them to. I have been so anxious this whole week waiting to find out if I got the job. I was told I will find out either tomorrow or next monday.... I'm hoping to find out tomorrow. Everyday since the interview I have been thinking to myself "give me the job, give me the job, give me the job" over and over again almost non stop. As I was doing that, it reminded me of the last time I went to an interview and everyday after it I thought to myself "don't give me the job, don't give me the job, don't give me the job" over and over again. I didn't get that job, so maybe just maybe, because I have been saying "give me the job" over and over again, I will get the job? Maybe by doing that it will send good vibes to the people looking to hire and they will just have to give it to me or maybe it wont. Either way, I hope I get the job. If I don't.... well I don't even want to think about it because if I think about it, then I won't get it lol. Well I'm trying not to get my hopes up to much...... Cross your fingers for me?.....

BARBIE

Sometimes I feel...... lost. Sometimes I feel like I am not even here. I just go through the motions of life as if I am some sort of puppet. When I am sitting around, I feel like I'm some sort of character in a movie. I feel like my life isn't real. When I was little and I played with my barbies' I always imagined myself as one of them. I constantly think to myself "I'm just a barbie, doing whatever someone is making me do, this whole thing called 'life' doesn't really exists for me." Sometimes it seems like the person who is controlling my "life" will just one day grow up and not want to play with me anymore. So what will I have then?  I won't even exist anymore, I'd just be an empty shell, brainless, emotionless....lifeless. That thought scares me. Why do I feel like a barbie? Why is it that people grow up and stop playing with the things they love? What if I am some sort of doll that really is just a toy. What if my life is all just pretend?