Nobody is innocent here...

It's been over a year since my last post... I have changed some. The thought of when I will meet someone, doesn't plague my mind anymore. It will happen when it happens....

Whether it's mentally or physically I believe that anger can kill a person.... It kills hopes and dreams. It kills the relationships you have with others. If you let your anger spin out of control, it will take over your life. Soon, you won't experience happiness. Your mind wont comprehend the good. No, it will only register the bad... You will become vindictive and think of ways to hurt anyone and everyone. Soon you will end up alone and scared, scared because you have turned into a person you never thought could exist. Anger is like a drug, it will ruin you and eventually lead to your demise.

I cry inside, wondering why people do the things they do.... I guess nothing is fully explainable, because some people don't realize what they are doing is wrong. That's life I guess.... Unfortunately drama will never go away. In fact, I have a feeling it will only get worse. I pray though, that I can be forgiven for my harsh feelings. I ask heavenly father that he can help me avoid becoming like those who are constantly miserable. I ask him to help me see what I don't like about myself and my personality and help me to fix it. I am not perfect, I never will be. I can only try to better myself one day at a time. I pray that you do the same. I pray that you will someday realize that you are not as perfect as you think you are, and that you take the steps to change that...

He Is We

So I just discovered a band called HE IS WE and I love it. I've been listening to their song "Happily Ever After" on repeat for the past five minutes or so. This song has strangely made me happy! It's a good song and I really like what it's saying... GO LISTEN TO IT! =)...... I feel like if I tell myself that there are things to be happy about, I will find myself being happy..... I just discovered that you don't always have to have something good happen to be happy, you could be having the worst time of your life, but if you make up your mind to be positive you really will be. TRY IT! 

Which Frog Do I Need To Kiss?

1. Member of the LDS church
2. Dark hair
3. Nice smile
4. Tall 
5. Not ultra thin 
6. Smart 
7. Funny 
8. Knows when to be serious 
9. GOAL ORIENTED 
10. Does something with life
11. Has a car
12. Has a job
13. Loves family
14. Makes me smile
15. Good taste in music
16. Trusting
17. Smart
18. Has manners
19. Treats me with respect
20. Loves and accept my family
21. Makes an equal effort to see me as I do him
22. Able to have conversations
23. Sits and listens to me complain
24. Celebrates with me when I'm happy or excited
25. Able to cook
26. Gives me advice
27. Wont let anyone mess with me
28. Jumps at the opportunity to show me off
29. Likes sports
30. Just there for me
31. Is my friend

Is it normal for me to not want to let go of people 
from my past for fear that I will never find someone like this? I don't like that feeling. I don't like the feeling of staying with someone, who I feel isn't right for me, for fear that I won't find anyone who is. What if this person is the right person for me though and I give him up, and I am alone for the rest of my life? I don't want to be alone. I want to someday get married and have a family. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough for people who meet the requirements listed above. All I really want is for someone to take my hand when I'm sad and just hold it. I want a guy who will see that I need some uplifting so he turns on some music and asks me to dance. I want someone who is a gentleman and opens doors for me. Maybe that is too unrealistic, maybe that only happens in fairytales. Should I give up on the hopes of it being real? What should I do, because I am at a loss. Do I hold on to the past or hope that something better comes into my future?

Dork much?

Ok so it is about 10:38pm on September 23,  2010. I just about put that I am bored out of my mind, but honestly I'm not. I'm listening to music and surfing the net (I know, doesn't sound fun, but it kinda is lol). Anyway, today in class I actually felt smart for once. =) I can't tell you how much that makes me happy, I  feel kind of..... giddy lol..... Its funny because I know I'm not a stupid person, but college, for some reason, hasn't made me feel smart.... Well.... until today. I wasn't really doing anything special. All I did was talk about the thing I was assigned to read. At first, before my group went in front of the class, I was super nervous, I thought that whatever was going to come out of my mouth wasn't going to make any sense, but it did. When it was my turn to talk, I glanced over at my prof and he was smiling and nodding. Lol does this post make me seem like a complete DORK? I'm sure it does, but I am completely ok with it. On another note, I had a job interview last monday. I think it went well, but then again I usually think that and things don't turn out the way I want them to. I have been so anxious this whole week waiting to find out if I got the job. I was told I will find out either tomorrow or next monday.... I'm hoping to find out tomorrow. Everyday since the interview I have been thinking to myself "give me the job, give me the job, give me the job" over and over again almost non stop. As I was doing that, it reminded me of the last time I went to an interview and everyday after it I thought to myself "don't give me the job, don't give me the job, don't give me the job" over and over again. I didn't get that job, so maybe just maybe, because I have been saying "give me the job" over and over again, I will get the job? Maybe by doing that it will send good vibes to the people looking to hire and they will just have to give it to me or maybe it wont. Either way, I hope I get the job. If I don't.... well I don't even want to think about it because if I think about it, then I won't get it lol. Well I'm trying not to get my hopes up to much...... Cross your fingers for me?.....

BARBIE

Sometimes I feel...... lost. Sometimes I feel like I am not even here. I just go through the motions of life as if I am some sort of puppet. When I am sitting around, I feel like I'm some sort of character in a movie. I feel like my life isn't real. When I was little and I played with my barbies' I always imagined myself as one of them. I constantly think to myself "I'm just a barbie, doing whatever someone is making me do, this whole thing called 'life' doesn't really exists for me." Sometimes it seems like the person who is controlling my "life" will just one day grow up and not want to play with me anymore. So what will I have then?  I won't even exist anymore, I'd just be an empty shell, brainless, emotionless....lifeless. That thought scares me. Why do I feel like a barbie? Why is it that people grow up and stop playing with the things they love? What if I am some sort of doll that really is just a toy. What if my life is all just pretend? 

I pledge that....

I pledge that I will have a new outlook on life. I'm moving on. No longer going to linger in my past. I'm going to forget my troubles and problems and all of the things that make me upset. I will always remember the things that have made me the person I am, but I will no longer dwell on the things I missed out on or the things I did wrong. I will not lie and say it will be easy, but I will try my hardest. There are things I will never get past, such as missing out on memories with someone everyone else got to know and love so much. Starting today I am writing a new chapter. New problems will come, and I will conquer them. I will become a better person, for making mistakes does that. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. I will just be me. Love me or hate me, appreciate me or use me, trust me or suspect me, I will just be me. How you choose to look at me and treat me, that is fully up to you. I will learn to trust everyone, but I will never forget to trust my gut even more. I will continue to smile even if I am feeling down. I will not allow someone to hurt me in anyway. I will continue to forgive and forget. I will stand up for what I believe in. I will love everyone and hate no one. I will accomplish all of my goals. I will try my hardest to be the best me I can be. During those times when I feel upset, I will remember that I have been blessed with so much, and that there is nothing to be upset about. I am a lucky girl. I have you, I have my family, I have faith in a church that I do believe to be true. Not many people realize how important or special they are. Not many people realize the role they play in the life of another person. So I want to take a moment to say how much YOU mean to me. You are very important. You help keep me going. You show me what is wrong and what is right. You show me what it is like to be strong, and how to carry on with life. You show me how to care about others.You show me how to have an open mind. You show me how to be happy. I want to thank you for the role you play in my life. Please don't think that I am talking about anyone other than you, YOU, the person who is reading this at this very moment are the person I am talking about! Every person I meet affects me in one way or another. And even though I don't always  appreciate people at that very moment they enter and affect my life, I realize now that without those people, I wouldn't be the person I am now. So even if, some way or another, I was upset because of a person, I am still grateful they entered my life.  I am grateful you entered my life. I don't know what I'd be right now without you. I don't know what I will become in the future, but I trust that I will be a good person. I trust I will be a good person, because I will no longer dwell on the past and I will learn from my mistakes as well as the mistakes of others. I will be a good person because everyday I am learning. Learning about life, and all the little things that make this world go round...... THE END =D

Whats the point?

What is the point of a blog? Is it to share how I feel? When in all reality I don't put all of my emotions into a blog because I don't want you to see how I really feel. And even if I did put every single thing I was feeling into a post, no one would get to read it, no one would want to read it, no one reads my blogs anyway. OK so maybe a blog is for posting what is going on in my life. Maybe it is for posting about big events that have past or that are coming up. But couldn't I just update my facebook status with those? So I'm at a loss here. What is the point of a blog? What is the point of sitting down and writing a bunch of nonsense on the Internet? Because that is all my blog is.... It is nonsense. No really it is, go back and read most of my posts, they don't make sense and in most of them it seems like I am complaining. So right now your probably thinking "OK Danielle if you don't like blogging why do you do it, why don't you just stop and delete all of your old posts?" Well.... I never said I don't like blogging all I said was "what is the point?" Maybe there is no point to blogging. At least not for me to blog. I go and read other peoples blogs and it seems like they have a reason. But I don't, its funny because I don't even share a lot of the posts that I write. I keep them hidden on another blog that no one can get too. But I like keeping this blog. Why? Well its an easy way for me to tell people what is on my mind without actually having to talk to people about it. And maybe I like it because I like the possibility that someone just might read it and even though it most of the time doesn't make sense and I just seem to ramble, i like thinking that someone is taking the time to see what I have to say. I think I might like the possibility that someone actually cares enough to take time out of their day to see what is on my mind. Sure I don't post that often but when I do, I guess I kinda enjoy it. So...... I guess the point of a blog is so that people can feel important. The point, for me that is, is that a blog gives you the opportunity to feel like others actually want to know whats going on in your life.